So few words

Who has the camera to photograph feelings? Where are the CDs to record sensations?

Why do I have so few words to communicate happiness? Peace, laughter, togetherness, love, caresses, forest, music. Why do I have so many words to exorcise unhappiness? Loneliness, old age, sickness, death, cold, darkness, rain, tears, war, shame, neglect, indifference, accident, madness, wryness, rage, fear... Enough. I do not want to remember them. I will not let them play a role again in my eyes and my hands. I do not want them to possess me any longer. I want to be free. For once, I want to be free of my old words, memories, times, life.

I want to strip myself of fear and words, of past and uncertainties. I want to abandon the heavy layers that I carry every day and every night on my shoulders: questions, anguish, desires, doubts, fear, fear, fear. Today I will unload everything I've been carrying and let it fall to the ground, the tons of dirty realism, and I will submerg myself in the refreshing waters of the waterfall at the end of the world. I will swim until my arms tell me to stop and my skin opens to  each atom of oxygen, feeling it, savoring it, assimilating it.

Then, clean, I will surge from the stream where I will have left all fears and I will lie beside you, my beloved, ethereal and full as you've never seen me before. I will bring my body next to yours and I will be the breeze you've always dreamed of. I will put my leg on yours and I will be the caress you've always wanted. I will leave my hand on your chest, light like a dream. I will touch your arm with my lips and I will drink, without haste, without wounds, the warm life that runs under your skin. I will remain so, still, clinging to you as Hedera helix, until I forget all the words and all the images. And when our bodies do not know any longer where one ends and the other begins, when our electrons follow the path around us, more and more united, more and more alike, contradicting the universal tendency to expand, then --with a last effort before I fuse with eternity-- I will grab my entire world, I will enfold it with my eyes and I will deliver it to you, so you, my beloved, refashion it and make it new.

What few and poor words to grasp the things that truly matter. How difficult to photograph plenitude. How many layers of reality to scrape until we arrive to the rightful meaning of our life.

Translated by Lina Strenio